Political Humor

I received this joke today. It's definitely worth passing on. I don't want to spoil the punch line, so I'll just say it would be more amusing if there actually was a choice two yeas ago.

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ.

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, are you still happy you voted for Obama?"

Some Monday Humor

I don't know if this is true, but it's been circulating for so long that there's probably some fire under all the smoke. Does anybody know if this is for real, or an urban legend?

IRS Pencil Sharpener

This is just a rumor, but some of the "stimulus" money has been spent to buy new pencil sharpeners for the IRS. Apparently, the new equipment puts agents in the right frame of mind before auditing taxpayers.

If Professors Really Believe in Socialism, Why Don't They Try this Classroom Experiment?

This little story appeared in my inbox. It's obviously meant to illustrate the perverse incentive structure created by redistribution, but one wonders why statists in the academic world don't follow through on their convictions and use this grading system.

A professor said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little.

The second test average was a D. No one was happy.

When the third test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else.

To their great surprise, all failed. The professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder it is to succeed the greater the reward, but when a government takes all the reward away, no one will try so no one will succeed.

Where Can I Get this T-Shirt?

Environmental Humor

I don't know if this exchange of letters is real, but what's amusing (and sad) is that it could be real. Enjoy.

***************

Mr. Ryan DeVries, 2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David L. Price

District Representative Land and Water Management Division

*******************

This is the actual response sent back........

*******************

Dear Mr. Price,

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Your certified letter dated 12/17/01 has been handed to me to respond to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal Landowner and/or Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.

In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams.).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Sincerely,

Stephen L.Tvedten

The Real Voodoo Economics

Check Out Ben Bernanke's Facebook Page

Actually, I suppose we should clearly state that someone is having some fun by mocking Helicopter Ben, but that person did a good job. Kudos to Tertium Quids for finding this gem.

A Cheap Shot on Obama, but Still Funny

This dropped in my inbox, along with some sarcastic commentary about politicians who talk trash about knowing "whose ass to kick." If you think it's funny, you'll enjoy this gem from the archives.

GM's New Supercar: The 2011 Obummer

Clever creation on someone's part, but since we're on the topic of government-created cars, this video is the best and funniest I've ever seen.

Not all Miracles Are Appreciated

A conservative, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The conservative looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the conservative requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a liberal on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the liberal directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the conservative, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The conservative felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the liberal, who immediately jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability!"

Either this Guy Likes Tiger Woods or He Doesn't Like Barack Obama

Hard to Argue with this Statement

Obama's Stimulus Highway Signs, Adjusted for Truth-in-Advertising

I don't like wasteful government spending, but it really adds insult to injury when politicians use my tax dollars for political propaganda. A nauseating example of this practice are the highway signs highlighting how projects are funded by the so-called stimulus. In my young and reckless days, they would have been ideal targets for vandalism. Now that I'm just an old grouch, I mutter under my breath.

So I was very happy to see this amusing image appear on my twitter feed.

Moses to Obama

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago,(when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

Jay Leno Targets Obama

Here are a couple of jokes from Jay Leno that got a chuckle from me. Since a large number of Americans actually get a lot of their news from the late-night comics, this type of humor has an impact.

● Happy birthday to President Obama. If you want to get him a present, he’s registered at Bed, Bath, and Blame Bush.
● They got him a huge cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up on their own.
● Raul Castro said that his government will ease controls on small businesses, will lay off unnecessary workers, and will allow more self-employment. Apparently, he sees how bad socialism is working in America, they don’t want it to happen there.

Obamacare Humor

While the cartoon is amusing, I'm sure I don't need to remind this audience that this isn't really a joke. The IRS now has immense additional powers to micro-manage our lives.

Political Humor

These came in an email. I can't vouch for their veracity, but a few of them were amusing enough to share.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and wethink 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno

America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats tosociety. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers"program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

Some R-Rated Political Humor to Brighten Your Day

Or maybe I should say darken your day.

Because the message is a tad bit risque, you have to click the icon for a full-size image.

Political Humor and Obamacare (at least I hope this is just a joke)